I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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