Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Randomize
