dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
