i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
