You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
