Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
