I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
