We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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