i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
