Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
