youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
my being single is dangerous.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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