I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He shit in the fireplace
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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