There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I deserve this hangover.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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