I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
