she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
