take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
