woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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