i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
