i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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