I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
