Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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