Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
