she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
