apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
