Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Randomize
