oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
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