Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
