Swine flu. Run for my life!
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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