Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Welp...herpes.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
