We got so high we made milksteak
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Every concussion has its silver lining
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
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