If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
