I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
