that's an acceptable place to lick
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
