u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
