So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
