is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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