wrigley field is MILF paradise
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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