walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Randomize
