I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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