I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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