That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
