We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
