Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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