The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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