I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
