You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
