I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
