Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
