New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
she told me i tasted like america
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
