please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
