we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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