I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
