Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
