I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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