ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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