when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
