I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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